I'm such a nerd. I didn't realize I already posted "Conversations With A Blinking Cursor." So, in case you didn't like that one, I'm posting another one, shorter, for you to comment on. If you've gone once, feel free to comment again ;)
Until Your Last Rise
There is no explaining what it is
That goes down in there,
In the center realm of my existence;
It thinks of thoughts most precious
Of a creature too divine to define.
She need not be made of stone
To be considered a statuette of beauty.
She does not need to be painted on canvas
To be recognized by any man who thinks
That he knows beauty truly.
I know some of most things,
I understand a lot in few.
I know that without question you are She,
Who walks above clouds when she sleeps,
Dances with angels while she daydreams,
Can be with me for as long as she goes breathing,
Hold my hand as we go gently walking
In the peaceful streets of our own future.
I am your flower, you are my sun.
You were born to raise me with your love.
I was created to adore you,
To bask in each ray of love you send down
From heaven's garden of light.
Goddess reflection above the waves,
I sit patiently to gaze at you when you rise
I sit patiently, and miss you when you sleep.
Give to me tomorrow, and after that just one more
Until you finally think that I deserve to be left alone
To wither after I've seen your last rise.
The night shall take us both someday,
But in it's shadow I will love you until the next.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
23 comments:
Oh My God Mr. Donoso u are so kind, i didnt know you had a romantic side. This is a very sweet poem i liked it and i enjoyed reading it. WORD!
disregard the last comment..
Oh My God Mr. Donoso you are so kind, I didn’t know you had a romantic side. This is a very sweet poem I liked it and I enjoyed reading it. WORD!
SEPTEMBER 5, 2007 5:04 PM
I'm not the sensitive type of guy, but if this kind of stuff really works on girls, I had better start with the poetry!
"Of a creature too divine to define.
She need not be made of stone
To be considered a statuette of beauty.
She does not need to be painted on canvas
To be recognized by any man who thinks
That he knows beauty truly."
This is my favorite part of the entire poem, mostly because it rhymes, and I also like how you stated that "she" does not need to be portrayed as a figure of beauty, as "she" is beauty and it is obvious.
I definitely think the woman, full of inner beauty, should know about your feelings. Reading this piece of art seemed like a poem we all dream about receiving or reading in a romance novel. The way you capture your love for her is touching. While I read this, I could imagine the flower and the sunlight. The way you portrayed her inner beauty led me to believe that she truly the most beautiful creation to God. This poem is truly amazing and perhaps the best romantic piece of writing I have ever read. I love it!
This poem was really touching.
"I am your flower, you are my sun.
You were born to raise me with your love.
I was created to adore you,
To bask in each ray of love you send down
From heaven's garden of light."
That was really sweet and nice that a guy expresses his emotions in such way. The poem was so far my favorite and "kudos" <--whatever thats is..o the poems. =D
Hi nico! lol
I don't really like love poem but this one i really connect to. I love the way you explain his love for her. MI y favorite part of this poem is:
You were born to raise me with your love.
I was created to adore you,
To bask in each ray of love you send down
From heaven's garden of light.
Goddess reflection above the waves,
I sit patiently to gaze at you when you rise
I sit patiently, and miss you when you sleep.
WAY TO GO MR.DONOSO
this one was a bit more mystical than your last one, the way you describe the mutual love between you and the personifaction of a feeling in the lines 'you were born to raise me' and 'I was created to adore you' makes me wonder what kind of people live inside my mind, and the thoughts Im getting arent people I'd normally mention in public as anyone that sounds like the way I'd talk to people.
to kinda sum that up in case you got bored with my comment, I liked this one even better, it made me think because you personified an entity that still keeps me wondering if it exists
I really enjoyed the poem.
To me it seemed like something for a mother or a grandmother to show appreciation for all they have done. Lines like
"Hold my hand as we go gently walking
In the peaceful streets of our own future
I am your flower,you are my sun
You were born to raise me with your love ,
I was created to adore you"
As soon as I read those words I got a image in my mind of all the women who have taken a part in raising me.
~S.Stevens
I really liked this poem.
My favorite part was when you said
I am your flower, you are my sun.
You were born to raise me with your love.
I was created to adore you,
To bask in each ray of love you send down
From heaven's garden of light.
These lines show my how connected the two were and how much they loved each other.
Mr. Donoso,
this was a beutiful poem it had a romantic side to it. I really enjoyed this line: "She need not be made of stone To be considered a statuette of beauty". because it really shows that you mean something deeply.
I liked this poem alot
hope you continue to do more.
I'm guessing this poem is about the sun. The way you describe the sun as beautiful and how you wait for it to come up, you long for it when it goes down. "The night shall take us both someday" was my favorite part of it, because when the sun goes down you cant see it anymore and you have no light, so therefor you cannot see at all. This is some very nice poetry, i usually have trouble writing things like this because I lack the knowledge to make things this deep. I will learn from you though Mr. D. (Kudos)(however u spell that...)
Hey Mr. Donoso Its me again ya favorito student ~Sheriece~
I think that this poem is very beatiful. The wording creates a image of someone almost a Goddess, not just anyone but someone cherished someone that you feel conneced too both mind and soul. I would like to beive that the person you talked about in this poem could only be ones true love. Your opening statements,
There is no explaining what it is
That goes down in there,
In the center realm of my existence;
It thinks of thoughts most precious
Of a creature too divine to define.
These words alone set the tone for this poem it is as if this person is unreal someone that is highly cherished someone that is too good to be tru. I belive that the feelings and the things that are mentioned in this poem are only felt when you meet that 1 true love. This was another Masterpiece keep doing your thing man!!!
I loved your poem it was sensitive and very romantic. this makes me think of the one I love and it makes me hope that he would ever express that way about me. I think that the person you wrote this about should be very grateful. I never thought that you were so romantic. my favorite part of the poem was when you said
Of a creature too divine to define.
She need not be made of stone
To be considered a statuette of beauty.
She does not need to be painted on canvas
To be recognized by any man who thinks
That he knows beauty truly.
I liked this part because it's showing that the person doesn't have to be the prettiest one in the world to be beautiful.
I have never been one to like poetry, mainly because I thought it was gay, I still do but this is no dought truly somthing else. I read this poem twice, something I never do; I really senserily (I know I spelt that wrong) enjoyed this poem. And with permisson from you I will use this on some girls.
"I am your flower, you are my sun.
You were born to raise me with your love.
I was created to adore you,
To bask in each ray of love you send down
From heaven's garden of light.
Goddess reflection above the waves,
I sit patiently to gaze at you when you rise
I sit patiently, and miss you when you sleep.
Give to me tomorrow, and after that just one more
Until you finally think that I deserve to be left alone
To wither after I've seen your last rise.
The night shall take us both someday,
But in it's shadow I will love you until the next."
This was my farorite part of the poem not because it was the end but because of the part where you said "I am your flower, you are my son." I liked this mataphor and the way you built up on it till the end of the poem. I can garuntee you if you constantly send this book to oprah around January it will be on her book club by febuary and all the women that read her books will flock to stoes to buy your book, and who knows you might be no the cover of your book wearing blue jeans and a vest, crossed armed smiling leaning on an invisable wall on a blank background. :-)
Wow this is another great poem. I loved your description of the lucky lady u r talking about. I especially liked how you said this:
"She does not need to be painted on canvas
To be recognized by any man who thinks
That he knows beauty truly." I think you r trying to say that any man that thinks of great beuty will think of the women u r talking about because she is so beutiful.Its nice how u compared her to the sun and u a flower like you and her were made for each other.
Hey Mr.Donoso!
Again, here's another really good poem. I like how this poem describes your love and affection for this woman. It shows that you don't have to have outside beauty to make someone love you but the inner beauty is more important. I also enjoyed reading the part when you said "I am your flower, you are my sun". This line reminded me of someone finding their soulmate. I love reading your poetry and can't wait to read more!
Karen Black- Block 2
I don't really know what to say about this poem, it's so great that it is nearly perfect. As with all people they feel this emotion, love but not everyone can express it easily in words or in actions. According to many other people saying how they want to use this poem for their girlfriends I feel it's necessary to say this, Make your own poem, though it might not be good, it is from your own hearts but this is only a advice.
To me, this poem sounds like you are describing a woman who to you is an angel "Who walks above clouds" and when you say "I know without question that you are She." That you think that this woman you "The one". You practically worship this woman because you hate every second you are not with her, you can't wait till tomorrow when she awakes from her nights sleep so that you can spend time with her. You think highly of her and think she is precious and too divine to define.
Me gusta, mucho. XD
In my opinion this poem is about a woman who you like for her inner beauty also her outer beauty. Evidence of this is "She doesnt need to be painted on a canvas". But when you say "any man would recognize her beauty i think its pretty obvious shes pretty. In the last few lines "To wither after I've seen your last rise.
The night shall take us both someday,
But in it's shadow I will love you until the next." I think you mean you will love her till you die. Nice poem and keep up the good work.
that last comment was full of mistakes, in summary your poem was good.
"It thinks of thoughts most precious
Of a creature too divine to define.
She need not be made of stone
To be considered a statuette of beauty.
She does not need to be painted on canvas
To be recognized by any man who thinks
That he knows beauty truly."
....i love it how u just talk about this woman with just so much admiration, its amazing how someone can describe someone, not only in just words, but words that can make the reader feel wut u r putting out there. i think that if i see this woman i will love her to hahaha just by the way u describe it. very very wonderful peice of poem
This poem took my attention and kept it, mostly because I started making reference to something else because of the title but what I found most attention-grabbing was this quote;
“I am your flower, you are my sun.
You were born to raise me with your love.”
This quote made me think of photosynthesis, of how flowers need sunlight to survive and how without the sunlight they would wither and die. This showed how important the woman was to that man.
The tone of this poem is a joyful man who loves his partner and depends on her just as the flower depends on the sun. (This is in first person where the writer is only aware of their feeling.)
“I am your flower, you are my sun” is an noticeable use of figurative language because I’m pretty sure the author doesn’t mean that literally but actually mean that, since flowers need the sun, he in the same way needs her.
I really liked this poem Mr.Donoso it was your best writing piece I’ve read yet it is real thought provoking and well-groomed.
I agree with anna dossantos because you do describe her in the way that would make the reader think she was a masterpiece. Moreover, through your writing I see that you wrote a work of art about a work of art.
Post a Comment