So this is what it’s like
Being alone
How could I forget
The feeling has followed me since my birth
Once I was enfolded in love
Nurtured; a child
Then brought out into nature
And now here I am; closer to death
Starring blindly at a blinking cursor
Expecting some type of epiphany
To all the sudden come to me
Automatically
Like waves hopeful
For one last touch of land
Before being tossed back again
To return to nothing
Like before birth
Into an abyss of memory
Of languish
Of unrequited emotion
Wasted like a quarter in a cheap casino
Insignificant
Lost
No jackpot
Just more pictures in the mind
To haunt dreams
To wake me up in the middle of the morning
To keep me sweating
Shivering
And this stupid monitor stares at me
Without judgment
Without bias
So I will tell you everything
Why not
No one else here can stop me
From trying to figure myself out
If only I didn’t change every day
If only the sum of my life would equal two
But it isn’t that simple
Experience is a bitch
If it doesn’t last forever…
It’s funny to think of how many times
My memories became that
A memory
What’s worse is not the saying goodbye part
But the years afterwards when you
Are looking at yourself in the mirror
Wondering why
Who are you
And why is there no one else who cares
And all you can do is laugh
Because no one is there to care
Because another day has come and guess what
I’m still me
Not a beautiful butterfly
Little girls and boys wish they had forever
Not a cat
To wonder that street and seek fate
Just another person
Hidden in the concert world
A superfluous soul
Floating in space
Wanting to be something greater
Than just me
A fool
A clown
An individual bursting from the seams
Wanting to immortalize myself
And my greatest love
Which of course I have not found
Because life is too hard to be simple
Too complex to be easy
And incredibly short
I’m a page in the history of the Earth
A footnote
I’m not even found in the index
I’m an article left out of titles
Four extra syllables in iambic pentameter
A sad express
A miserable member in reality
Better left for others
More worthy than I
To have their names whispered
I’m a low joke
An aside to keep the audience laughing
The minor character
That neither wins nor loses
But is and because of that
I could throw up
Regurgitate all the knowledge
Of life, love, and loss
In a sigh
In the blink of an eye
And stare at the sunrise
Which I know isn’t for me
I’m just minor
Not major
Oh, One!
Why not put me in kinder words
Accompany me in happiness
I’d spread the word
But like everyone else
Who has touched my heart
You leave me thinking
That’s the last thing I need to do
I want to be held
The way only destiny can
With open arms that are warmer
Than the memories I hide
Behind my watering eyes
You can be so cruel
And I thought I was your friend
I want to be
I want to be protagonistic
Someone everyone else wants to see win
To see happy
Because that is all I want
Everything
And
Forever
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2 comments:
Wow, that is really deep.
I can almost relate, feelings as if you're just a minor part in the world. How there are many others doing much greater things than you have ever done, or worse all your good thing put together. It shows some people the true reality for those that are living in their own dream. How we are all looking for someone/thing to add to our lives, such as a loved one, or a great accomplishment. Also when you think you are doing just fine in the world, not the greatest but not the lowest, kind of in the middle, that when you sit down to write something or look in the mirror, it hits you; all the things you have done, it all just hits you. You see what you're life has made you into; how all you've done has shaped you into what you are now looking at in the mirror/monitor. Just amazing to see all that, and to put it into words, showing how those with little self esteem about their lives, and how its all going; those wishing their life was more then what they see now staring back at them.
I think that this poem is deep and very well detailed. I think it shows a lot of your emotions and how you felt at that exact moment. I really related to the part when you said, “I want to be the protagonist someone everyone else wants to see win to see happy because that is all I want everything and forever.” To me the ending was the best part of the whole poem because I have felt like that in my life, were for just once you want to feel like the center of attention and everyone would just listen to you. I can tell that is this poem that the tone seemed to be sad and full of sorrow, but for some reason I really liked it. I think is liked it so much because I really related to this one the most. I know exactly what you mean when you are a title left out of the index. You feel as if you are being left out and no one wants to here you. I am going to have to disagree with anonymous and say that you are not depressed and everyone has there sad moments were they feel not wanted my family, friends, or lover.
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